He wasn’t a stranger | nylc11.wordpress.com

People want to read lighthearted material. They like to laugh and feel good. I do too. All too often I don’t want to read the things that make me teary-eyed or think of all the things that could go wrong. It was hard to gather the courage and say #metoo. I’ve mentioned it here and there, but never spoke up.

I made excuses. It was not the right time or place. I didn’t want to stir up things that clearly belonged in the past. I created this space to encourage others and have hope. ‘Never give up’ is a motto I held on to for many years. Yet, this is also part of my story. In part, it made me who I am today: outspoken yet flawed, anxious yet strong-willed, and sometimes un poco loco yet witty.

Two words: Me too.

I sat next to a boy during religious education. He was my age. He was funny and liked. Handsome even. I knew him from Sunday school. I made no advances or gave an invitation to be touched without permission. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t report him to our teacher. But I made sure to wear pants from that day forward. He was not a stranger.

I needed a ride home after a district orchestra practice and a guy more than a decade my senior offered to take me home. I accepted and didn’t expect that a simple “thank you for the ride” would not suffice. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t report him. But I made sure to ride with my uncle from that day forward. He was not a stranger.

After a youth meeting I was asked to stay a little longer. I didn’t think anything of it. We talked. When he held my face and French kissed me against my will, I was stunned. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t report him to his wife. But I made sure not to engage in physical contact (no handshake, hugs, etc.) from that day forward. He was not a stranger.

At a friend’s house, I accepted a back-rub that reached places I was not comfortable with. I excused myself quickly. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t report him to his wife. He was not a stranger.

When I sat at my desk at work, he would come up behind me and rub his privates on my shoulder. I sat there paralyzed and awaited his orders. We were dirt poor and I needed the money. For fear of getting fired I said nothing. Nothing at all. He was not a stranger.

You see, I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t dress inappropriately. I didn’t act provocatively. I knew all of them. I was careful.

Parents, there’s just no such thing as stranger-danger!

The CDC conducted a survey in 2010 that found “1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped at some point in their life” and “more than half reported being raped by an intimate partner”.

Trust has to be earned and can be lost in a matter of seconds. Trusting your partner, your parents, your children, your family, your friends is precious. Trust in relationships encourages intimacy, dependability, and meaningful bonds. Through trust, we can live a more purposeful life — a life that is filled with happiness. Because when you’re trustworthy, people rely and depend on you and you on them.

All I have left to say is: choose wisely whom you trust!

More information about sexual assault and help can be found HERE.

CDC: National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (2010)

Access Medicine: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Acute Stress Disorder.